My grandmother died.
I have known her my entire life – I am 37 now.
It is such a huge part of my life leaving.
At first I couldn’t believe it. You know when the loss is so big that can’t fully grasp it and it just too big to accept it for real. Of course I knew this was inevitable, it is a natural process. But I hoped she would stay with us just a little longer. Even a few months would have meant a lot.
I was so angry at people asking how old is she. So what if she is 82 years old!? People live till their 90-ies. Some live to 100 and even more!
It was a horrible process. I am so grateful that it didn’t last too long. It tore my heart all day long watching and remembering her suffering in the hospital. I was waking up in the middle of the night with a silent scream.
And those dreams! Yes, they were telling me what will happen. I have a little bit of that sixth sense. I always dream about great events in my life. 2 really awful dreams that I just wouldn’t believe. But they came true with a scary detailed correctness.
So how to cope with really hard situations in life?
I now understand how survivors from severe drama get detached from their experiences. Some even forget them completely and can’t remember them.
The first thing my body and mind did was distance. I couldn’t bear the heavy weight so I got distanced from it. It is just an automatic thing that you do unconsciously. I didn’t want to talk about it. I avoided thinking about it. Doing everything possible not to think.
This is the most helpful thing: work. Work till you drop down from exhaustion. So you won’t have time to think. Or you’ll go crazy.
I always remember the word of Francesko in the “Gia” movie:
Francesco: Work now. You’ll live later, hm?
These words are SO true. It’s my best advice to anyone going through hard times.
Go for long walks. There were moments when I couldn’t breed and I felt like I was suffocating, so I just had to go out, on air. Exhaust your body physically. You will sleep better.
This may seem even funny, but I watched a lot of movies. Any distraction from reality was more than welcomed.
Go easy on yourself and try not to make things harder than they really are.
This is how I pulled through. I now appreciate life even more. Every day seems so precious.
Life seems so short and we should really try to make the best of it while we are here. Nobody knows how long that will be. In a snap of moment everything could be lost so make the most of what you have.
No time for being lazy, for using excuses or feeling sorry for ourselves!
Maybe you know all this already, you have heard it before or read it. True it is nothing new but knowledge and experience are different things. Only after some experiences one can truly understand some meanings in life.